dvl's advocate

fortune fantastic

2008-06-20T18:27:00.000-07:00

i got the same exact fortune from two different fortune cookies last night... fortunate or unfortuate?
(you decide)

"A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years."

i think i'll start a kissing booth on my corner... srsly.

2008-06-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

brighter than sunshine

2007-01-22T23:56:00.000-08:00

for no good reason, i'm stirring the dust. nothing fancy.

i believe the words of my father when he said "you're only as good as your last performance"... but it's sort of the antithesis to making a good first impression because you are prompted to do your best but ultimately to quit rather than continue to excel and strive for longevity.

i am conflicted.

this ain't no Meccaleccahimeccaheineyho...

2005-10-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

Mamihlapinatapai - it's the world's most succinct word according to the Guinness Book of Records.

Ma-mee-ha-la-peena-ta-pie!

It comes from Tierra del Fuego and means: To look at each other, each hoping the other will offer to do something which both parties much desire done but which neither is willing to do.

*zing*

triple wide... (whEEE)

2005-10-05T00:26:00.000-07:00

i remember when "e-ticket" was in reference to a thrill ride rather than a means to board an airplane...

this ain't no disco...

2005-10-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

i admit it... i love LOVE this show and am even more in love with the theme song, both in english as well as in japanese!!!!

links via titansgo!

i am out of tune....

2005-09-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

today i walked out of the house, shut the door behind me and, with my hand still on the door handle, realized my keys remained on the hook inside the hallway. with that, i let out a *huge belaboring sigh* as i hung my head in shame.
i called my sources who have a set of my house keys, but one said they are maybe buried in no man's land in her closet (as she received them years ago and has endured two residence moves since), and the other had his phone on mute and so my cries for his assistance fell on deaf ears. alas, i made the husband schlep all the way back home to let me in, afterwhich i finally deposited little to school one hour late.

monday monday... why?

3 words....

2005-08-31T01:54:00.000-07:00

STUPID FUCKING GAMECUBE!!!

(a curse on whomever brought it to my house and left it there!)

((well, not really, but you know who you are and you will pay dearly!))

(((oh man, i am so tired right now, and goddamnit why the hell does my brain think it's thursday when it's only wednesday?!?)))

g'night.

in a nutshell...

2005-08-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

The World's Shortest Personality Test

You are happy, driven, and status conscious.
You want everyone to know how successful you are.
Very logical, you see life as a game of strategy.

A bit of a loner, you prefer to depend on yourself.
You always keep your cool and your composure.
You are a born leader and business person.

link via crooks & liars

a different kind of voyeurism....

2005-08-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

i think from time to time we all wonder what friends, co-workers and neighbors are really thinking but are afraid to say... so at postsecret you can maybe get a glimpse into the minds of others, and maybe even feel compelled to share your own secret(s) or whimsical fantasies.

what's up, cookiepuss?

2005-08-17T23:29:00.000-07:00

ok, so i spent i think more than an hour listening to one of my favOrite Out-of-tOwners vent, and i am only posting this because i today realized that, despite the fact she's never made it known, she already knew about this cobweb invested corner of my brain. so in all fairness i must admit that during her vent i did a moderate amount of turning the tables, as any good advocate would do. i hope i made her laugh and feel a little lighter through my the verbal beating (which was more like a vivgorous massage, if you ask me -- har). also, it turns out that i didn't have a can of beets in the cupboard, which is too bad since it would have made a great pic (close up of me eating the beets)... maybe tomorrow.

change of pace...

2005-08-16T23:50:00.000-07:00

and by "change" i mean i need to up it.

day one of many, today i started doing yoga (again) and am vowing to stick with it (again). i made it through the basic workout and 1/2 way through the fat burning workout. felt it everywhere and kept falling over to a minimum. i yawned when i should have been breathing, and still i feel more awake post workout than i have all day long. (crap, of course now i must confess to nodding off for a few minutes while i wrote this.)

my two cents - use your comment sense with scents

2005-07-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

i never understood the desire to have your dishes smell like flowers instead of lemons. i think it a faux pas for women to wear scented lotion that smells like fruits & vegetables. i wish i didn't feel so strange about walking into the ladies' room yesterday and having to think "why the hell does it smell like cucumber in here??"

entering a no quashing zone...

2005-07-21T14:26:00.000-07:00

dear mars, inc. (makers of snickers):
king size? you rock!
love,
dvl.

get up off of your knees...

2005-06-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

as i drove to work today i saw a transient sitting on the sidewalk asking passers-by for money. he's not sitting on the floor, mind you, he's brought a folding chair with him, and he's perched at the end of an alley driveway as it hits a main street. so as people coming out of the alley have to wait for traffic to clear before they can turn, this guy is sitting in a chair right where the driver's window will be and he's holding a cup as his receptacle. he may even have had a radio with him, to alleviate his boredom, no doubt.

i guess his angle in life is to be passive agressive and always have a short cut. he wants charity, but he doesn't want to put forth any real effort to get it other than sitting near a car window and being so filthy and smelly that drivers will more than likely cause a traffic accident just to get away from him before they give him spare change.

i have huge issues with false sense of entitlement. where did this man develop this sense of entitlement - that he should still receive payment despite his lack of effort? does he not understand the common sense of commerce? who forgot to teach him that lack of motivation to do anything is what prevents him from being a productive member of society? i know the old addage of "you get nothing unless you ask for it", but come on buddy, i work hard for my money, so do a lil something to make me want to feel like helping you out.

for example, one night after hanging out at the golden gopher in practically skid row of downtown helLA, a group of us had to walk 6 blocks back to the standard hotel to get our cars. about half the way back, a gentleman in the street started walking along side us, singing, and asked for spare change. he had a nice voice, and he was entertaining us to entice us to help him out. i think he was even taking requests. his gambit worked and he got a couple dollars from us -- mostly i think we paid him to stop singing and following us -- but still... i feel like i got my money's worth from that charitable non tax-deductible donation.

quid pro quo, baby... my charity doesn't come cheap.

like a rock in my shoe....

2005-06-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

i need to lead by example and so I'm on a diet. moreso, i am learning portion control. to kick start my diet regime, i am consuming frozen meals, using them as a crutch to keep a more structured daily caloric intake, and they take the guessing out of "what" and "how much" to eat while at work. my brand of choice is "lean cuisine". not only do they taste better than the rest that i have tried, but they get me feeling good from the get-go just by the brand name.... cause i wanna be lean, and eating cuisine that's lean should make me so. savvy?

but today i noticed on a meal box that the brand name was coupled with the tagline "Classic Comfort", and it made me laugh and then wonder whether foods that are trying to limit you to a healthier portion should be labeled with the word "Comfort"? first off, once you start this kind of calorie deprivation regime, there is nothing comfortable or comforting about it. and teasing me with "classic comfort" food (i.e., no-no kinda cuisine) such as salsbury steak and mac & cheese, only in small quantities, just makes me feel bad and thereafter in need of actual comfort food to make me happy. dig?

it goes without saying that eating comfort food is what got me in this mess in the first place -- that i got too comfortable eating unhealthy portions of "comfort food", and now there is nothing comforting about how my clothes feel on my less-than-lean body at the moment.

eh... maybe it's not the food... maybe I'm just a cranky bitch.

crank calls...

2005-06-13T16:00:00.000-07:00

[in my office, cell phone rings]

*ring ring*

dvl: hello?
caller: hi mommy. i wanna tell you something.
dvl: hi cutie, what's up?
caller: i need to tell you.... that... i pledge allegance to MY PANTS!!!

[audible laughter]

..... oh how i love my silly girl. :)

like a sponge....

2005-06-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

here's a tale of just how silly my family is.

yesterday the husband is at the grocery with the Little, and she goofing off and does something or says something that makes him laugh, and he looks at her and laughs and says "that's crazy... you're so crazy", to which she responds "I'm Brian Fellow!"

the end.

hard or soft?

2005-06-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

i am sitting here on the puter, and the papa is probably sleeping after he put little down for the night. as i'm sitting here and watching food tv and just buzznetting i hear this *POP* sound from the kitchen and i think that maybe a dish settled in the rack or something so i don't give it another thought. then all of a sudden there's another loud *POP* and im like 'wtf?" so i go into the kitchen whereby i realize that the papa put a small pot of eggs on the stove for our dog luna right before he went to put the little to bed. luckily i put the stove on low or else it would have boiled away much sooner but we both forgot about it and the pot is dry and the sound was the eggs popping in their shell because of no water.

*takes a bow*

keeping score...

2005-05-29T18:17:00.000-07:00

... this morning i had the pleasure of overhearing two older jewish mothers get in a friendly pissing contest.

the Little attended a bday party where the spread was a large long table of goodies to nosh on - bagels, fruit, chips, cookies, sticky buns, and the like. at one point most all of the party guests and parents had headed outside to watch the kids make slime with the mad scientist, and so i went to the table in search of whatever caffeine i could find. as i poured myself a diet soda i saw two women talking and i easily identified them as the grandmothers of the bday girl. they were both admiring the spread of food that was on the table and just as the maternal grandmother complimented and praised her daughter for all her hard work at preparing such a beautiful spread the paternal grandmother promptly gave all the credit to her son by commenting that he had been the one to go shopping at costco for the food. this continued pleasantly back and forth for a few minutes before i was distracted and walked away. what's funny is what i know will probably happen at the end of the party or the end of the day -- the parents who threw the party will smile at eachother a smile of relief and be glad that they, as a team, pulled it off.

tagged...

2005-05-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

... i have a drinking problem that manifests when i wear white clothes. today gravity aided in the unexpected coffee inspired decor to my white dress shirt.

*takes a bow*

where's my padded cell?

2005-05-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

as if what happened earlier today wasn't me being completely brainless, (thinking, of course, that maybe i'm suffering from a lack of caffeine) i just went downstairs to get a diet soda... i put my money in the vending machine, and without thinking i pressed the first button... for a coca-cola classic. i only drink diet soda. i never drink regular soda because it's just too sweet for me, and i especially cannot handle the hefty dose of sugar contained in regular coke. should i call a cab instead of driving myself home at the end of the day? what else could i possibly do wrong today?

p.s. i suck

2005-05-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

today i was rushing to pick up the little from school and was running a few minutes late (big surprise). when i got there, there was only one or two other parents outside. little came out of the gate and i handed her her new pink camouflage dodgers baseball cap (she was bummed this morning when i told her that school rules are no hats allowed, and so i promised her that i would have it waiting for her at the gate when i picked her up). easy breezy, right?

i missed a call on my cell phone when i was at my mom's, and i listened to the message as i was driving out to go back to my office.

i forgot to pick up J, my friend L's kid, and take her home today.

i forgot.

*hangs head in shame*

it's not like it should have slipped my mind, L asked me just this morning at school if i could do it, and of course it's no problem so i agreed... i don't know what happened and why it slipped my mind... J wasn't in the yard when i picked up the little, but maybe she was still getting her stuff from her locker. i think the fact that i was running late and was one of the last parents there to pick up and that i didn't see J at the gate too... i guess we usually tell the kids when we're carpooling so at least they can stick together and remind us... i just feel like such an ass. of course J was safe the whole time - she was ushered to the office where she sat around and played games while they called her mom to come get her.

after i got the message, i called and talked to L and J both safely on their way home now, and L was very understanding, and J got on the phone and said "it's ok, i still love you, i survived it", and L reassured me that brain farts happen and she was just happy that nothing had happened to me and little (L thought maybe i had picked up little early for some emergency reason because J said she didn't see little in the yard during pick ups - this makes me think that J was running later than i was and we just missed her...)

ugh, i cannot believe i forgot.

i'll be kicking myself for this one for a long time to come.

doh!

2005-05-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

i have not updated in so long that i had forgotten what the last post i wrote was about!

samaria shmamaria!

2005-04-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

bossman out of town for the rest of the week so i decided to bring little to work after school today. i picked her up from school and we headed home for her to change clothes and pick up the laptop and get something to eat. no worries, all was good. little dragged her feet a bit, but i was ok with it. at around 2:30p we were heading out and in the lobby near the garage door was the little dog of one of my neighbors, unattended. so of course i scooped up the dog, dropped my stuff in the car and proceeded to look for my neighbor. walked around the building, couldn't find the owner. went to her door and knocked, no answer. went to my place to get a leash. called the owners phone number listed on the tag, no answer, so i left a message. i needed to actually get back to my office, so i decided to keep her dog at my place in eml's bathroom & hallway, and keep my fingers crossed that my 85 lb. beast luna would be ok with it and not somehow find a way to open two doors to eat the neighbor dog like a snack. i wrote a note to leave on the owner's door, headed to tape it to her door and then go back to work. with that plan in order, of course as soon as i taped my note to the owner's door she opened it. she didnt even know the dog was out. so i headed back to my place to get the dog and of course the owner (an older russian lady -- really really nice) just wanted to thank us profusely, gush about how much she loves the dog and how it's her whole life, and thank us profusely again. finally we escaped the owner's grip, got out of there and headed for work. here i am, an hour and a half late getting back to the office, and all i wanna do is nap. as payment for my good deed, i think i deserve to nap for the rest of the afternoon... don't you think?

starting the week out dumb...

2005-04-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

- knock knock.
-- who's there?
- Isabelle
-- Isabelle who?
- Isabelle essential on a fire truck?

*rimshot*

[curtain]

when the moon hits your eye...

2005-04-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

last week we went out for a casual early dinner for 4 at 6p da pasquale in b.h. -- 3 adults and one 4 year old (not my little, but the youngest of my friend L). we picked our venue knowing we would have no problem accommodating our youngest dining companion, and also because it's an easy breezy little italian cafe that doesn't have the after work bar scene going on so it's a little more family friendly. between the salad and pasta portions of our meal, my friend L's phone buzzed when she got a phone call from her mate on her cell phone. she took the call at the table while we entertained her youngest with jokes and tales of field trips to disneyland and the zoo. after she completed her call, she filled us in on how her mate was bummed he couldn't join us for dinner because he got delayed at work, and she also let us know she was expecting some news about her most recent test results and that she was anticipating good news. no worries, all was good, and our pasta was just coming out to the table.

let me back up a bit and add that while my friend was on the phone, though, i noticed the female portion of an older couple next to us lay out a big grimace on her face and overheard her rudely comment about cell phone use at the dinner table. i'm sure the fact that we had a 4 year old off-leash and in a restaurant was what started it rolling for this cranky biatch, and just a little bit earlier we giggled when we overheard this same woman comment to her husband "you know what i like best about this pasta? it's that there's no goddamn red sauce on it". clearly, she was on a roll, but i would have preferred someone to shove one in her mouth to shut her up.

cranky-old-broad was so bothered by this occurrence that after paying for dinner, on her way out she made a special visit to the manager where i could clearly see and hear her talking to him complaining about cell phone use and suggesting that they ban cell phones from the restaurant. he seemed to listen graciously to this customer (perhaps a regular), he pointed to his watch and around the room at the other families eating dinner and said how it's not likely they can make such a request of their other patrons. at the same time i looked around and i saw a young woman dining alone, and she talked on her cell phone briefly as she munched her antipasto.

my friend L is a quiet individual and it's not like she was blabbing loudly on the phone, and her talking (whether on the phone or to me) is not really the business of anyone seated at another table -- talking is talking, and it shouldn't matter if the conversation being had is with another person seated at that table, or if it's on the phone. so, really, while i understand that cell phone use is not particularly appropriate when at the dining table, in this case at the very most my friend L would only potentially have been disrespecting her immediate dining companions (US)... and none of US seemed to mind, so i don't see why someone at the next table has the nerve to mind.

makes me wish i knew when cranky-broad was going back so i could take a whole party of kids for dinner and equip them all with cell phones and just have them all call eachother on the phone instead of talking directly to eachother.

sweet nectar...

2005-04-11T16:01:00.000-07:00

we had dinner at the marmalade cafe over the weekend and had the most wonderfully affected waiter who suggested we try one of the drinks from the cocktail specials menu. we were most pleased, so much so that we had 2 each and missed the movie we planned on seeing.

introducing: the strawberry lemonade martini

1oz stoli strawberry vodka
1oz triple sec
2 tablespoons or 1 1/2 oz strawberry puree
3/4 oz lemonade

'tini tiny pleasures such as these should come more often.

persona non grata...

2005-04-08T12:45:00.000-07:00

the little was off from school today due to an "in service" day for the teachers, so i brought her to the office with me for a few hours. i have a smaller desk set up for her in my office, so for the most part having her here consists of her noshing on snacks, drawing pictures or doing equations on the large dry erase board (she loves numbers), playing games or watching movies on the laptop, and making artwork and signs to tape around my office.

today the little insisted that my office door remain closed after she taped this sign to it:

the little league goes big time....

2005-04-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

remember walter mathau's character in bad news bears? the other day i saw a guy driving around helLA that looked like an ex-hippie or ex-biker - though it was not clear which. he was racing through the market parking lot in a brown, mid-70's convertible - like a Cutlas, or an Electra, or a Skylark, or maybe a GranVille... whatever it was, the top was down, of course because this is SoCal, but moreso because it probably no longer goes back up or it's so weather worn that it would act more as a skylight rather than a shelter from the elements. the license plate on the car was "P WEA PR". so i'm guessing that the driver is more than likely among the ranks of the managers and/or agents that represent child actors... but just who are his clients? are they the straight-laced fresh shining faces we see on the most recent juice box commercials? are they the wrong-side-of-the-tracks kids in after school specials about saying no to drugs? i think it would be funny if he was an agent/manager for potential child actors in the 70's that never got their big break, and now he's still got a handful or more of these same has-been or never-been clients that still kinda are dorky looking like kids but are now all grown up and still waiting for their big break... with fingers crossed that someday they can land a role and they'll be the next 35 year old high school freshman.

pinch and a punch....

2005-04-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

... for the first of the month.

try and fool me today and i will punch you in the nose.

actually fool me today and get a donkey kick to the crotch as thanks.

>:-}

role play....

2005-03-29T10:30:00.000-08:00

let's say you're in a persistent vegetative state or in a coma...

"If you, the patient, could wake up for 15 minutes and understand your condition fully, and then had to return to it, what would you tell your family to do?"

Go and discuss this question with your loved ones -- and put your answer in writing.

movers and shakers...

2005-03-22T17:00:00.000-08:00

so, i just got word that there was a small earthquake off the coast about an hour ago. of course i didnt feel the 3.4 magnitude jiggler, mostly because i live kinda on a hill, but also because at that precise moment that it hit i was in the kitchen with little tending to our tasty creations that we made with her easybake oven. two little cakes with marbled frosting.

i should be suffering from cabin fever right now, but i'm not.

i was gonna hit the home depot to get planter boxes and soil and plants for our balcony today, but alas the storm that blew in made it less desirable. mostly because i don't wanna schlep wet and muddy plants in my car, but mostly because i don't wanna be out and about in cold rain that's coming down hard and diagonally unless i have to be. i swear i could just sit here all day and watch the rain out the window. if it clears up, maybe friday will be the planting day... and maybe somehow between now and friday i will lose my black thumb.

card sharks...

2005-03-22T13:55:00.000-08:00

since we got out of bed 4-5 hours ago, the little and i have watched one movie, watched a bunch of teevee, and played the 'old maid' card game (as opposed to the game where the little and i stare in the mirror and count my grey hairs), we played 'go fish' a couple of times (which i had not played in so long that i actually had to read the instructions on the cards to make sure i knew what i was doing!). we first played with some kiddy cards (with pics of sea creatures on them), then we opted to play with a regular deck of cards... or so we thought. now i don't know who or what 'pinnochle' is, but somehow i have purchased a defective deck of cards because stuffed inside the box was 2 half decks of cards and the name "pinnochle" written in tiny letters somewhere on the packaging. sure, it made playing 'go fish' go a lil faster so that's not bad. but now how am i supposed to teach the little how to play blackjack? she's also kicked my butt at candyland, and i think later we'll raze the eiffel tower we made from tinkertoys this weekend and re-build something as constructionaliciously tall as 'latooreffel with lasers' as she likes to call it. oops, she just called out and exclaim "memory gaaaame!!" and now there are a bunch of tiles on my living room floor.... i'm off.

icing on the cake...

2005-03-22T11:30:00.000-08:00

the little is on spring break from school this week, and so i arranged to take a couple days off work to hang out with her. unfortunately, she's got a wet cough at the moment which has me hesitating to drag her around town for activities and instead has us hanging out at home watching movies, playing board and card games, and later i'll watch her awe as she plays shooter games on xbox, and then even later we'll do some cooking and possibly break out the easybake oven for some kidmade homemade sweets.

i know growing up as a kid i thought for sure there were definitely characteristics of my parents that i didn't want to absorb, mostly that they're very overprotective and conservative (and not just fiscally conservative like i am). they grew up in the middle east and life was very different for them as compared to this california native. but i distinctly remember as a small kid (under 8 years old) when i was home sick from school that my mom always made me softboiled eggs for breakfast, and she would even feed me because i was sick, despite the fact that i was clearly old enough to eat on my own. it was the one time i didn't fight mom taking care of me in this way, because it just made me feel so much better to have that overabundance of nurturing and love in a time when my defenses were down.

now without really thinking about it, as if it was not a learned gesture but rather an innate and inherent characteristic passed on genetically to me from my mom, i realized that for the past two days i have done this exact same thing for the little - made her softboiled eggs and even fed them to her for breakfast while she's been feeling poopy. and so i realize just how much like my mom and dad i am in so many ways, especially those wonderful nurturing ways... and i'm thankful for not being so strong and stubborn to successfully turn my back on absorbing those great characteristics i learned (or inherited) from my folks.

not last....

2005-03-18T15:00:00.000-08:00

i have noticed that on buzznet there are a few people who take great delight in being the first commenter on a photo (most often on the photo of a blogger who gets lots and lots of comments - but not mine), and to show their delight they exclaim "FIRST!" with what i imagine to be an 'in your face' tone. (you know who you are)
this morning while in the restroom, i went into a stall to do my business, and noticed that the toilet seat was up. i know this means that no one has used that toilet since it was cleaned by the janitors the night before. as i put the seat down, realizing what it meant, in my head i involuntarily exclaimed "FIRST!".... then i felt great shame, but only for a moment, and then went about my business.

burp

2005-03-18T14:06:00.000-08:00

would you believe me if i told you i just ate something called a "s'mores" candy bar just to get the coupons on the inside of the wrapper?? yeah, i didn't think you would.

problem is, it looked like a snickers on the wrapper and that's what made me get it, so really it should have tasted more like a snickers, right? RIGHT?

sorry... there's a lil disappointment at the moment.

unfortunately the two coupons (one for subway and the other for more candy) inside the candy wrapper just don't make it better or taste like snickers.

heeeeyyyy laaaaaddyyyyyy!!!!

2005-03-17T15:09:00.000-08:00

today as i drove by my old elementary/middle school i saw a group of kids standing near the chainlink fence screaming and waving their arms at passing cars. naturally i stopped to see what the hooplah was, and was greeted with grateful cheers and smiling faces screaming one word...

"BALLS!!!"

once they calmed from the excitement of someone actually stopping for them, they alerted me to the fact that a football and a basketball had been tossed over the fence into the street, so naturally i helped them out and tossed them back. i'm like that, ya know?

eye candy for my ears

2005-03-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

so, i went to the santa monica courthouse the other day to pick up a transcript. about half way back on my drive to century city i realized that i didn't turn on the radio in my car. i usually drive with the cd player blasting so as to drown out my surroundings, but for some reason i must have been distracted when i started the drive back, because when i got to pico & sepulveda i realized that what i was listening to instead of my own music was the music emanating from other cars on the road around me. in the next lane over, i could hear what sounded like something very instrumental and bauhaus-esque (naturally this is fueled by my being in love with anything peter murphy) and so i thought maybe it might not be so bad mooching sounds off other cars for my drive and i continued eastward. for about 1/4 mile after that it seems i made all the green lights, which normally would be cool but in this instance all i got to listen to was sounds of the road -- brakes squeeking, horns honking, truck engines revving, etc. -- and it left me actually wishing for a red light. ah, reprieve. i hit the red light approaching motor ave in front of the golf course. slowly, someone rolled up next to me and i could hear that the song playing in their car had just begun. the driver looked something reminiscent of david faustino, with cropped hair and wearing oakleys, white shirt and tie. maybe someone who works in a local bank, or office, coming back from their break. the music started out slow and instrumental, like it was building up to the vocals. somehow the song was familiar to me but not enough for me to place it. the cars in front of me moved up a bit and now i was no longer directly next to this car, but i could still kinda hear the music... then POW the song kicked into a higher gear with vocals and allofasudden i realized the driver was belting it out along with the singer, sounding kinda like Freddy Mercury. i craned my head back as far as i could to be able to get a glimpse of him through my side windows and it was awesome - he was so into the song and so uninhibited by his surroundings. the light turned green and i continued eastward, and i never got along side that car again... but i kinda wish i had been able to just to give a thank you smile and nod of approval.

cat scratch fever

2005-03-11T13:00:00.000-08:00

i have always had pets, mostly dogs. when i was a kid, for a very short time after much begging and pleading for cats despite already having 2 dogs that lived in the yard, we had 2 cats. the cats were nice, but we got rid of them because my doberman wanted to eat them and once went through the closed screen door to eat them. when given the choice as to which pets to keep, even at 7 it was easy for me to say bye to those cats but not to the dogs. i have a dog now, and she's totally spoiled. she was the tester child before we had the little... we figured if the dog did not need to see a psychologist regularly after a year of being with us that maybe it would be ok to have spawn of our own. but that's another story entirely.

my mom has a cat - a feral cat. it was wild and living on the streets when she started feeding it. (ok ok, living in the alleys of beverly hills, but the cat still would not let anyone get close to it) when mom and dad downsized by selling their house, the new owners were not cat lovers and did not appreciate this black feline in their yard. so mom and dad went back almost daily to feed this damn cat in the alley behind the old house. they even got another neighbor involved to help out if they couldn't make it. after six months of this arrangement with the cat, somehow the cat is injured, and my folks take it to the vet where it is sedated and they're told the cat has a hairline fracture in its leg and needs to rest to have it heal. without thinking twice, they take the cat home with them to live indoors in their very downsized living space which also is inhabited by their older than old shitzu pup. eventually the cat learns to cohabitate with humans in this small space, and the pup and the cat make nice from a distance, then from a closer range, then the pup passes on of old age and now the cat has the run of the home. in the past six months, the cat has grown a lil cozy with me by allowing me to get close enough to pet it (head and back only, not tummy). lately, as soon as i walk in the door it's meowing all loud and giving me looks like "don't even think of leaving this home without manhandling me a bit first"... so, i obliged. all was fine, she was meowing and rolling around on the floor and then WHAM that fucking kitty biatch swatted at me with her paws/claws!! but instead of a scratch, she kinda poked my hand in the fleshy part between my pinky and wrist... and i can feel a raised bump that is kinda itchy, and now i wanna punt the cat.

random fact #9372

2005-03-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

i am whitening my teeth while i am at work.

just a sunday like any other....

2005-02-27T22:15:00.000-08:00

i dont like to watch sports on television, but i enjoy attending sporting events. it's like there's something about the energy at game that is intoxicating. that's it, that's what i like... the intoxicating energy... on yeah, and the crap food.

i am more likely to watch the superbowl on television than i am to watch the oscars.

four years ago i had the pleasure of attending the academy awards (when it was still at the Shrine downtown). like a sporting event, the energy at that event was high, but much less intoxicating than a sporting event, and there's no food (not even a place to plant to snack on olives and cherries -- salad bar style). it should be mandatory that any event longer than one hour in duration should have some sort of food availble for the patrons -- at the very least have an onsite vending machine. in a hypoglycemic state, it would not have taken much for me to tell someone that i invented post-it notes. in fact, we were so hungry during the event that we padded down a seat filler for his pocketsful of granola bars, just like he was our very own vending machine... so there we were, visions of loveliness in our ball gowns, hobnobbing with celebs, drinking vodka tonics and chomping on chewy granola bars.

need another reason to dislike the academy awards??

here's one: come over and listen to the sound of all the fucking helicopters hovering overhead because of the after award-show parties going on in my neighborhood.

is there a doctor in the house?

2005-02-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

because i may need my foot surgically removed from my mouth.

i am a work in progress (just because i raised an eyebrow that she slept with you on the first date doesn't mean that i was calling her a slut) and so i am still learning how to harness the power of my internal editor (only one date so far and you're leaving my place at 1AM to go hang out at his place? booty call!) and learning to be nurturing to my friends (i will always hold your hair when you have to puke) yet be less overtly critical about the decisions they make for themselves (i don't mean anything by it...i'm just sayin).

i like you--LIKE...

2005-02-16T00:45:00.000-08:00

two men wear the same outfit. one is a comedy, the other a tragedy.
in a non-reciprocal yet parallel existence, the two worlds collided, and the comedy veiled the tragedy for us like a pair of rose colored glasses.

get up, come on get down with the sickness...

2005-02-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

i'm at home with a cold today. i was congested and slightly fevered so i left work a little bit early yesterday to sleep it off, but no big deal that it's stuck with me another day. after a nyquil induced hibernation, i woke up this morning groggy, with just enough sense to help get little ready for school. i dont spend much time at home alone ever, so i couldn't decide where i would be more comfy for the recouping day at home - on the comfy couches or on the bed. i opted for the bed, which is where i am right now. but before i planted here comfortably, i actually had to make the bed... the same bed i just slept in for the night had to be made before i could get back into it to relax for the day. this concludes yet another installment of 'anal retentive theater'.
*takes bow*

happy belated groundhog day...

2005-02-04T17:15:00.000-08:00

on the drive home last night (within approximately a 3-5 mile radius from where i live) i saw almost two handfuls of residences that still proudly exhibit christmas lights either inside their home, outside, or both.
close to 10 homes in 5 miles.
in the heart of los angeles.
and there are a few more offenders that i have seen in the hancock park area.
come on now, people... what the fuck?

hand shake...

2005-02-03T16:30:00.000-08:00

hey.
hi there.
how's it going?

omens.

2005-01-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

there's a ladybug on my window at work right now. i was ecstatic when i saw it from across the room, because ladybugs are so pretty and for some reason i always felt like ladybugs were good luck when they're around. i got up closer to inspect it and realized it's all faded and brown and looks more like a potato bug, and it made me feel not so lucky. :-/ as i started writing this post i thought about that unlucky feeling, and at this very moment i just watched it take flight and leave. the end.

aren't you annette benning?

2005-01-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

pocky -- it's the most complete treat ever!
at least that's what i think i overheard last night... er, um, i mean early this morning... so what if i have only seen the lesser half of about four hours sleep? i don't feel like i'm *hurting* and i'm surprisingly not grumpy. maybe it's all the sleep i forced on myself on wednesday night like a false hibernation. better to just give it time, though, because the day is still very young and i am hoping the mass amounts of a certain stimulant i have yet to consume will lubricate my brain into a complacent state for the whole day. (coffee lobotomy)

feh!

throw me a line, because i'm drowning....

2005-01-05T14:57:00.000-08:00

work has always been to me what water is to a fish
- Horace Mann

never before have i so much wanted to feel like a fish out of water.

the pitcher's wind-up....

2005-01-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

last night we untrimmed the xmas tree (a few days early, but i couldn't wait for the epiphany because i was afraid the tree might spontaneously combust it was so dry). holiday tradition in our home is to pitch the formerly-trimmed tree off the balcony to the sidewalk below where it will wait for curbside pick-up (to be mulched and reconstituted so that santa can make more toys for next year is what we tell the little to placate her or else she'd want to keep the tree forever). last night, we let drew do the honors. he did alright for a first-timer, but the tree-tossing anticipation got the tree downstairs before i could advise him that you get extra points if the tree is standing on its base when it reaches the sidewalk. next year we keep score.

cookie cut outs in the sky...

2005-01-03T15:15:00.000-08:00

the rain has let up today for the time being. earlier there was a quick clearing of clouds to reveal a pulse of sunlight and the kind of bright blue sky that is vibrant and crisp, the kind of blue that only ever seems to emerge after the rain. within the hour the clouds were back, but this time they were large, white and puffy. i've been staring at them trying to see if i could pick out shapes and such in the clouds, but there's more cloud than blue, and so it's actually easier to find shapes in the void of clouds instead. i saw a sky blue starfish, a seal, a wolf's head, and a lucky number 7 before all the blue was gone again. now darker layers of clouds are blowing in and silhouetting against the while fluffies, and there's a whole new set of stuff to observe.

chilly willy...

2005-01-03T12:30:00.000-08:00

i'll admit that i appreciate not having to freeze my ass off when i have my pants down, but what the fuck is up with the fact that i need a space heater in my office to warm me up from the daily arctic-like conditions but the heat in the ladies room is cranked up so high that it feels like palm springs?

oh yeah. clearly there's a rant purge occurring at the onset of this new year.
better put on your slickers and wellies, kids... we're in for a long ride.
if you choose to stay you're on notice: get in, sit down, hold on and shut up.

not a hoagie....

2005-01-03T11:30:00.000-08:00

she hears him telling me a story, so she comes to sit and listen. she's heard the story before, one of a recent encounter with another doctor in his building. he's telling me how while in the elevator this other doc is on the cell phone gabbing away and so distracted that he's gotten on an UP elevator when he wants to be going DOWN, and then when he realizes it he's hemming and hawing about it while still on the phone, and then he starts using tae kwon do moves to reach around and hit elevator buttons with his feet instead of using his hands. we muse about the security camera in the elevator and what part of any of this fiasco it captured. i start to chime in new endings for his story mid-way, he starts making up lines for the doc to be saying and says them with the overlap/delay of a japanese warrior movie. she sees us playing off one another and laughing till we're gasping for air. she's laughing (at us more than she's laughing at the story) and then gently shaking her head she says: "you bring out a side of him that i rarely see." (i start to suppress my laughter into a semi-stunned silence) "really, i never see him laugh so hard as when you two get together," she concludes.

at first i thought she kinda said it in that "he never has a second cup of coffee at home" sort of way, which made me giggle until i sensed a hint of sadness (or was it resentment?) in her voice and the expression on her face as she uttered those words across the xmas day luncheon table. hard to believe that now, more than two decades later, she utters this fact like it's a revelation -- despite knowing us and knowing that we share a special bond, that we're always on the same wavelength, and that both of us are jackasses at heart (these facts are not secrets).... i shrugged and said the only thing i could in response, something i have said time and time again... "we're cut from the same cloth, and he's my hero".

resolutions...

2005-01-03T00:32:00.000-08:00

even the fucking cookie mocks me.

dun dun done!

2004-12-24T02:45:00.000-08:00

despite all the ass-dragging i managed to complete the task at hand.
(now there's a skill and qualification i need to put on my resume.)

send in the damn elves....

2004-12-23T22:45:00.000-08:00

oh jeebus! someone will me the motivation.
i have a carload (meaning the whole back of my wagon filled) of stuff to wrap for the little and some of the other kids in the family. despite having done not much other than make a gingerbread house tonight, i have somewhat been searching for my second wind all night long. generally i am not tired or sleepy at all, until i think about having to get that stuff out of my car, bring it upstairs and wrap it--zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
see? it's even making me lethargic just writing about it.
meanwhile, just 6 feet away from me on the other sofa, luna is fast asleep, breathing heavy, even snoring a little and twitching like she's chasing some neighbor dog or a squirrel. damn dog... i love her so, but right about now i'd like to be living that dog's life.... except for that whole not having opposable thumbs thing.

w.w.j.d.....?

2004-12-16T21:29:00.000-08:00

at the end of the year i like to take a moment to reflect on things that have happened in my life, my achievements and short-comings alike... in such time of reflection most people would start making a list of new year's resolutions on how they would change things for their future... instead, when i sift through to highlight my issues so that i may deal with them head-on, i simply take a moment to ask "wwjd?"...

soft glow of electric sex....

2004-12-15T19:00:00.000-08:00

the holidays just wouldn't be complete without this major award (which must be italian!), some double-dog-daring, and "meatloaf meatloaf double beetloaf".

happy holidays... send tacos

2004-12-15T11:45:00.000-08:00

i love the holidays, but i could do without all the cookies/pastry and candy crap being sent to the office by clients, colleagues, etc. just once i would like to go into the office kitchen and see on the table a combo plate from el tarasco, a side of taquitos and a huge basket of chips & salsa as the holiday gift of eats for the office to share.

is that so wrong?

like grains of sand in an hourglass...

2004-12-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

due to the recent cold (i.e. anything below 70F) weather we're having, i got a new space heater for my office. i love it. many thanks go out to the folks at Holmes for making such a kick ass product. it's got more than two handfulls of settings, it oscillates on demand, and it's got an emergency shut-off if it overheats. and it's that last part there that's going to be the most important feature for me, since on at least two occasions now i have left it on overnight, but each time it has not shut off and was still running when i came in to my office. now, this morning i came in to find that i had left it on over the whole weekend - it didn't auto shut off and it's stil running.

... someday my luck is gonna run out, but until then i'll be warm.

the shower is my bell... rinse, swish and spit

2004-12-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

becoming cognizant of a patterned behavior is quite a strange feeling - kinda like seeing your reflection for the first time in the mirror and realizing you're blonde when you thought you were a redhead. i just realized that after every shower i instinctively have to brush my teeth. showers are mostly part of my morning routine, and when i'm doing my daily grooming i'm on autopilot and never noticed the pattern (well, really, when am i ever *not* on autopilot? rhetoric, i know). but tonight, i came home from work and took a long hot shower to relax. and as i was getting dressed and ready to comb my wet hair, standing at the basin i instinctively reached for the toothbrush and i started brushing -- it was not until i was halfway done with my brushing routine (yes 'routine'... i'm a control freak and if you didn't know that by now you're blind) that i realized there was no real need to brush at that moment as i had not eaten dinner yet (in fact pizza was on the way and would be at the door in a few minutes) and i still had an opened diet rockstar on the counter just waiting to be consumed. despite being mildly amused at the pavlovian nature of my behavior, i'm dreading the fact that neither of my dinner items are going to taste especially good with the lingering minty freshness i've got going on right now. (and, in proofing this post, i realized how much it reminded me of something i might have read in the past on everything sucks... ah, sweet sweet jaded memories)

O, there has been much throwing about of brains...

2004-12-08T10:36:00.000-08:00

i am the rosencrantz to your hamlet...

j'accuse!!!

2004-12-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

i am an adult luring children into my crash-mobile with promises of fruity goodness.

lately to help out my friend LH, i have been carpooling by picking up her daughter J afterschool when i pick up Little. it's nothing much, but it helps me feel like i am able to support LH in some way while she's dealing with all the crap she's going through. always trying to go the extra mile, today i agreed to also pick up her younger daughter, D-muffin, from preschool on the way to pick up Little and J. when D-muffin caught wind of the plan she was less than pleased, which made me a little nervous that she might put up a fight when i show up at school to pick her up, which in turn might make us late picking up the other two. so, crafty me, i struck a deal with D-muffin that i would bring snacks for just her as the reward for letting me pick her up from school (butofcourse you know there are separate snacks for Little and J stashed in my car right now too). t-minus 2 hours to go in making this carpooling plan all work out today...*fingers crossed*

thankfully spoiled...

2004-11-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

...by the four days in a row away from work that allowed me to spend quality time with my family and my favorite friends.

i feel [blank] right now.

2004-11-23T10:30:00.000-08:00

i got sideswiped last night.
by a rented SUV.
by a guy who's here on holiday from Bermuda.
he didn't even see me driving in the lane next to him.
whatafuckingnightmare.
there's a blimp hovering in the sky right now.
there's an icerink opening downstairs for the holidays.
i wonder if there will be a zamboni.
i've always wanted to ride the zamboni.
sideswiped but not blindsided.

oohh....ahhhh....

2004-11-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

saturdays are for stick figure porn

2004-11-18T10:45:00.000-08:00

although without the computer i don't know how i would get my daily dose of cowbell...

learn to say yes'm without feeling like a yes man

2004-11-16T16:00:00.000-08:00

...

...

yeah, i got nothing.

honk once for yes, twice for no... or vice versa

2004-11-16T10:55:00.000-08:00

in the morning i drop the little off to school and from 8:25a-8:35a everyday the neighborhood that surrounds her school is transformed from a quiet residential area to 4 square blocks of chaos with swarms of autos and suvs all trying to jam into the same small street to drop off kids - honking, double parking, hand gestures, crossing guards stopping traffic out of sync, parking enforcement making up bogus rules about the 3 min loading zone - it's like one strong *pulse* of life and chaos co-mingled that's reminiscent of the frustration that comes with trying to exit from stack parking at either the hollywood bowl or the greek theater.

caravan of love...

2004-11-16T10:00:00.000-08:00

i walk into the kitchen at work today and goddammit that there's a box of krispy kremes in there on the table... as i walked past them to get my coffee i faintly heard them cat-call whistle at me (fucking rude doughnuts!!), and so i had to spy them using my peripheral vision (mostly to make sure they didn't try any mind tricks on me)... the tension was pretty thick -- suffocatingly thick -- in that small kitchen with just me and the kk, and i think i even felt the temperature rise a few degrees as i stood at the counter with my back to the kk to dress my coffee... as my coffee and i turned to make a b-line for the door to quickly get out of there it felt as if the kk and i were in a showdown (*insert whistle and drum sounds typical of westerns*), a battle of wills, a test of my resolve... alas, i walked out of the kitchen and no kk left with me.... did i exercise willpower? was this a testament to my dedication? meh... i would like to think so but i have to admit that the only thing saving me was that the seal on the box had not yet been broken. ergo, hollow victory.

new parents' revenge -- cue circus music....

2004-11-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

i went to a baby shower today in palos verdes, which is close to a one hour drive from door-to-door. for the gift i bought a pretty cool gadgety gizmo where the new lil whippersnapper can lay on the floor and touch parts of this arch and sounds and lights happen. i thought twice when i got it because it's a toy that makes noise, and i know how i so hated any toys that little had that were incessant fornogoodreason noisemakers, but this seemed a lil more educational (yeah, that's my answer and i'm sticking with it). welp, i guess when i wrapped the gift this morning i activated the demo mode and before long this large box of lights and sounds was going off every minute, and it was fully wrapped, and i had no more cutesy babyshower wrapping paper so i could not rip it open and deactivate it. so i drove from weho to p.v., in more traffic than usual of course, and blasted my music as loud as i could without destroying the little's hearing but just enough to drown out the sound of the toy emanating from the jump seat of my wagon (dammit, i just realized a reason to have a trunk). in retrospect, i probably should have gotten them a card that says "i'm sorry" for this gift i got you rather than "congratulations on your new baby". pppfffttttt.

giggle therapy...

2004-11-10T15:14:00.000-08:00

when things like way-too-early christmas trees and my failing diet have me down, i'm thankful for the little reminders to lighten up.

imma x-mas h8er

2004-11-09T15:53:00.000-08:00

well, not really, but i loathe that it's only the second week of november and from my office window i can see a fully decorated and lit up christmas tree in front of the mall...

day one of many...

2004-11-05T13:25:00.000-08:00

she is having her first chemo treatment today.
the moon in the western sky has been staring at me each day through my window.
i wish we had gone camping before it got too cold this year.

hollow...

2004-11-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

... i just found out this morning that a very close dear friend of mine has cancer. she's only 33, and has two beautiful little girls. i've been somewhat stunned all day long, and i fear that i'm harboring a little bit of denial over the whole situation and that when i least expect it i am going to crack open like an egg and my emotions will ooze out all over the place. i want her to know that i am here to help out in any way i can. i don't have the first clue as to what she is going through, so i'm feeling rather helpless.

i am not privy to all of the test results at this very moment, but it's possible her prognosis might likely be not one of how long till remission, but how many more months/year(s) can we prolong her being around. i hate to think that her time with us may be limited at all, let alone to that of 5 years or less. if this is the case, i just had the dreadful realization that she's not going to be around to share milestones with her kids like graduations, marriages, birth of her grandchildren...

and with that i just felt the first big crack in my shell...
:(

zero guilt....

2004-10-31T11:55:00.000-08:00

woke up
ate a bagel
went to karate
came home
vacuumed and cleaned up
just ate a twix bar
washed it down with a beer
still have not showered
it's not even noon
thank you daylight savings

space madness...

2004-10-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

where is my beloved ice cream bar?

dear neighbor...

2004-10-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

yes, it's me... i'm the girl blasting music all day long on a sunday while i'm cleaning house... i understand that you might have had an open house for your condo today, and maybe i should apologize for having hit the 'repeat' button when i started by listening to James:Laid, but i won't dear neighbor, because i don't care if it made you crazy.... in fact, i bet you never realized that anyone could love Erasure as much as i did today when i cranked the Pop20 greatest hits cd so goddamn loud and sang at the top of my lungs (quite poorly, of course) to more than a handful of those songs... well, i'm almost on the last leg of the housecleaning, and i'm feeling a bit sluggish and need a pick-me-up... yes, dear neighbor, that's The Clash:London Calling you hear right now that's giving me that much needed pick-me-up... and yes, that faint click you heard in fact was me pressing the repeat button, again.

learning curve...

2004-10-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

i finally made a pot of coffee today just now... it's a slow sunday.
i need to clean my house, it's making my brain so cluttered.
i spent most all of the morning laying around in bed.
i'd like to read the 'it's not about me' script today.
i can still smell the bacon from breakfast.
i think my coffee is ready.
i am trying not to vent.

give it away now...

2004-10-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

to the spying fisheye:
if you ever happen back here, remember to give the girl a lil' somethin to let her know.
nahmean? :P

attention! people on the streets of l.a., listen up...

2004-10-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

for those of you driving around town:

a. if you don't actually have somewhere to be, please pull over and get out of the way for those of us who actually have somewhere to go and probably should have been there 10 minutes ago.

b. unless you're getting directions to wherever it is you're supposed to be, hang up the damn cell phone and pay attention to the road.

to the pedestrians:

think back to when you were a child... remember learning the proper way to cross the street at a stop sign?
here's a refresher course just for you: "stop...look left...look right...then look left again" before proceeding into the street.
learn to live like that's your mantra... and wipe that dirty sneer off your face when i don't stop for you as you try to step in front of my car while i am already through the intersection.

harumph.

karma crap chute

2004-10-14T01:44:00.000-07:00

the chute door was stuck open, and i was standing just so.... i didn't want to do anything but sit and stew in my anger at having to stay late at work tonight as a result of bossman's procrastination... i went home after work and planned to throw in the towel for the night, but instead received a little nudge to rehabilitate some of the plans i missed out for the evening... at least i didn't miss the awesome winning performance

rock--> me <--hard place

2004-10-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

she obsessed about the ex a bit that night so we reverted back to teenage antics and called him... it was too loud on the line and he could not really hear me so there was no conversation and i cut it short, a bit thankful really and feeling saved from the stupidity of the situation. then i got an email, asking why i called. i had no idea he'd even realized it was me calling, but i suppose the photo evidence didn't help. so he emails me, and i responded to it blandly and thanked him for being a good sport about it. end of story. yeah right. he asked for my chat screenname and proceeded to dig a bit further for info. i told him she was not over him. he didn't want to hear it, because he's missing her quite a bit and the whiskey haze was making him feel weak. i told him to call her. he's still not ready for anything serious and doesn't want to hurt her... but confessed that if she called him he would greet her with open arms. he admits it was good when they were together but got spooked because she was moving it along too quickly, and although he wanted to be friends after the fact, that *slap* she administered sealed the deal that it was not to be. it only lasted 6 weeks total. 'call her', i said again. there's still too much pride to swallow before he can do that...

of course she knows nothing of the conversation he had with me. i wish i could tell her what he said but i don't want to give her false hope. it's hard for me not to feel disloyal for having been his sounding board. she obsesses about why he broke up with her, and if he's dating anyone, and if he blocked her from aim, and i suspect every time she attends a function she wonders if she'll run into him. it would make a huge difference in her self esteem if she knew how he felt, even if he never calls her again.... but i suspect he will eventually call her and try to be friends.

perfection, industry, analysis.... oh my.

2004-09-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

what's been said about me:

she takes pride in being industrious and rational, a 'doer' who likes to see tangible results.
she can be down-to-earth, she's very observant and detail-oriented.
she can be quite critical.
with things that interest her, she can be precise to the point of perfection.
yet she's restless (due to a strong nervous energy that calls for movement, activity and industry).
she's paradoxical: she can be tidy regarding some things, but disorganized and messy regarding others (the latter especially applies when she's in too much of a hurry or feeling particularly stressed).
she doesn't like too much inactivity and can't sit still for a long time.
disorder upsets her, especially when it's created by other people or when people mess around with her possessions or misplace them.

had my CAKE and ate it too....

2004-09-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

i suck at being vulnerable, and that feeling of vulnerability is what keeps me emotionally at arm's-length from most of the world (even my closest friends), but at least i can admit that i despise feeling emotionally helpless -- when an outside force so emotionally cripples me that i forget how strong i can be... luckily just when i thought all i wanted to do for the rest of the weekend was lay in bed depressed, i got a much needed reality check that helped me get my shit together.
i'm forgiving but i know that i often too quickly impose the "cross me once, shame on you; cross me twice, shame on me" rule and sometimes i take that rule to the extreme and forget to give the second chance.
i'm still a work in progress.

shorter of breath and one day closer to death...

2004-09-03T13:50:00.000-07:00

... after today i start celebrating them by 5's.

suminasen, michi ni mayoi mashita...

2004-08-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

another whirlwind weekend proves successful. a friend came to visit and there was much rejoicing, but left me wondering "why can't he live in LA with the rest of us dorks?"... eh, it's better this way i guess... now i have a reason to get out of dodge.

the gift of sanity.....

2004-08-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

bubble wrap!!
have at it.
(and don't say i never give you anything)

the best remedy for anger is delay...

2004-08-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

so, I'm having drinks at a birthday party last weekend and hanging out with my girlfriend D... here's an excerpt from a conversation that i wish never occurred:

dvl: so what's new... are you getting ready for burningman?
d: yeah, i'm working like crazy. i'm really happy that S is going too.
dvl: yeah, you guys are going to have fun.
d: yeah, he was chatting with me today about it.
dvl: chatting? like on IM chat?
d: yeah, he chats with me almost every day.
dvl: i didn't even know he was on IM... what's his screen name?
d: *tilts her head to side and grins* he told me not to tell you.
dvl: what? seriously?
d: yeah.

girls do stuff like this to other girls to better their own pole position with a guy...
this type of catty female one-upmanship is the reason i have so few girlfriends.

thanks, D, for being the girlfriend who needs to repeat hurtful things just to make yourself feel more important. (truth be told, i am thankful that you're dumb enough to show me your cards rather than playing them close to your vest)

it's been said...

2004-08-08T00:30:00.000-07:00

... that a friend is someone who will bail you out of jail....
but your best friend will be the one sitting next to you there
saying "that was fucking awesome!!"

not in your image...

2004-08-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

it's a sad fact to realize that, despite all my accomplishments in my life up to this point, i'm never going to be good enough in your eyes.... i know you love me and always will, but now i see how little you must like me by the way you question and criticize all my choices in life... yet as sad as it is, it's not depressing me one bit, and it makes me feel sad for you rather than myself. i can see now that one fundamental mistake i have made in my life is making you privy to any information, because while i thought i was sharing and making you a part of things, i did not see that you were stockpiling all my faults to use as ammunition against me at a later time (for what reason other than mere criticizm for not being just like you, i still cannot figure out). i'm not afraid of life, and i won't stop it from happening out of fear that an unfavorable result might occur. i can change my life, i have changed its path in the past, and don't think for a second that i will hesitate to do things just so i can get an end result with which i am happy.... veni vedi vici.

friendship with dvl, multiple choice...

2004-07-29T17:00:00.000-07:00

(a) i like you and you love everything about me and so we're friends
(b) i like you, but you don't love everything about me but you like me enough to find a way to tolerate the stuff that irks you, and so we're friends
(c) i like you, but you don't love most things about me and for some reason insist on being my friend (perhaps to continually annoy me by trying to repress me and make me someone that i am not)
(d) i don't really like you, i was just being polite, so fuck off.

... not as i do.

2004-07-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

"The unwillingness to try is worse than any failure."
- Nikki Giovanni -

i have no business posting a quote like that.

kinda like reading tea leaves, only not so much...

2004-07-15T23:23:00.000-07:00

being a virgo makes me a quirky kind of clean/neat freak... i strongly believe that most everything has a place where it belongs, and am happiest when things are organized... though as most of you can guess 'orgainzed' does not necessarily mean 'neat', and i definitely pick and choose my battles when it comes to chores. i am the kind of clean/neat/organizational freak that will on a whim decide to scrub the bathroom sink fixtures with a detergent and a toothbrush, but will walk around the same pile of laundry growing in the middle of the floor as if it does not exist. i also like to vaccuum... don't say i never warned you about the strangeness, because i know i did.

purloined: involuntary guest blogging

2004-07-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

...It starts out so innocently. That smile... Yes, she's funny, smart, intelligent, sweet, tough as nails...

The first time you see her... you can't help but move a bit closer... you know... to hear what she's saying -- I mean, look at the crowd around her... the beautiful people, flocking to her -- there's something...

Then she sees you... and you know you're in trouble. You've felt it -- come on, I know you have. Yeah! the chest tightens, the heart skips... "Oh, um, hi" you say (it's always the same).

And, in a moment, it's over....except for the warm BUZZ that doesn't seem to go away... No blood. No scars. It just takes a nanosecond... and then it's over.

No evidence that you've gifted her your soul... well, except for those damned digital images that she so sweetly and "innocently" taunts you with.

a good friend is like a girdle....

2004-07-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

.... supportive, comfortable and no matter how loose you are, keeps it all a secret.

love plus one...

2004-07-06T18:43:00.000-07:00

when i was younger i only had maybe a handful of friends that were my age, and the rest of the people i hung out with were older (ranging between 5-10 years older). mostly this was the result of having an awesome fake id at such an early age which allowed me to spend my teens in clubs and bars. it's not even that the people i knew or met at these clubs and bars were fooled by my id, or that i even tried to hide how young i was... but it got me in the mix of things, and that's where i wanted to be, and in order to stay there it was prudent to make as many friends as possible to maintain the credibility and not get kicked out of any particular establishment. of course, it's always the desire of the young to be old, and the desire of the old to lie like hell about their true age... but as i said, i never had trouble being my own age, and i still don't. the other day, however, i came to the realization that with the exception of the same small handful of friends i have had for decades now, i am now the oldest friend in any particular group that i hang out with... ranging from being older by merely a few weeks or months to almost 15 years, i am the oldest one. i just hope none of my younger counterparts ever mistakes me for being any wiser than the wise-ass i have always been.

can't get this song out of my head today....

2004-07-06T17:24:00.001-07:00

when the routine bites hard, and ambitions are low.
and the resentment rides high, but emotions won't grow.
and we're changing our ways, taking different roads,
then love, love will tear us apart again.
why is the bedroom so cold, turned away on your side?
is my timing that flawed, our respect run so dry?
yet there's still this appeal, that we've kept through our lives,
love, love will tear us apart again.
do you cry out in your sleep, all my failings exposed.
get a taste in my mouth, as desperation takes hold.
is it something so good, just can't function no more?
when love, love will tear us apart again....
(joy division)

i'm thinking about: what to think about....

2004-07-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

... and i think i may have just hurt myself.